Tuesday, February 8, 2011

Long Lost Letter

I'm currently stuck here, all alone in this empty house. Folks are out, TV's got nothing but re-runs, the Net's just ran out of stuff to browse into, and I am all spaced out. So, I sort of came across browsed over my old blog, and found the last article written, dated September 21, 2007. And since V Day is just around the corner, allow me to be melodramatic just this once. Hehe.

Here is a letter I wrote on what was supposed to be our anniversary. A confession of lost love, of finding oneself, and being whole despite the odds. The words written here still hold true up until this very moment.

dear Grace,

yesterday was the day i had always been waiting for. ironically though, i wanted it to end so fast. just as fast as how you left.

isn't it funny how life can trick you to bringing you what you've always dreamed of and when its about time for you to get it, fate gets it back even before you smell its existence. it had always been within my system to keep special dates just as special as they were once made. nostalgia is a one way ticket, i just realized, to loneliness and eventually to desperation. i have never been this desperate. i have never been so much in love.

you see, until now, i haven't had the chance to look back and reminisce about days gone by. there's not enough reason to do so right now. the past is just as blurry as the present, and the future's all hazy with the dreams i have so long planned only to find Fate beaming with great pride that once again he defeated the last desperate mortal.

i am tryin to get by, you know that. what option is there left rather than letting go and starting anew. it hurts like hell, yes. but holding on burns me to death, and we both know it's a slow process, like smoking (haha. the thing you so hated which is now my life). you see, i have never dreamt anything for myself other than being a photographer (haha, i am a dreamer, we both know that. we've always known that). all other dreams and plans were for the both of us, about you going to my parents' high school reunion party this december, or us going to el nido a week or so after my graduation, or me going back to cebu to stay with you for a couple of days and nights and have a few casual beers with our friends, or simply you be the everyday subject of my own personal dream (taking perfect shots when you're not looking-- how much pride it could have given me!). all these dreams are but plans of days long gone by, where they remain; where turning them to realities could only be done by the Fairy Godmother herself. and i haven't seen her flying around my room lately, sprinkling dusts of whatever that make wishes come true.

i am in so much pain, but yesterday was way too painful than all other days. yesterday would have been a happy day, me sending flowers, you receiving them in the middle of your math or english class, and then everybody would look at you and think how much i am in love with you. and when you'd get home, you'd see a package of what should have contained another ring, or a necklace. these plans led to me wanting to send you flowers through a friend, yet you refused. all these beautiful plans led to nothing. you and me, crying on our own now.

it hurts. yes, it hurts more now. now that i know you're almost at the point of getting over us, totally.

i know i haven't said this, and i can't anymore say this to you. but please allow me. belated happy anniversary, still.

with all my love,


  1. very touching letter. nabasa ba niya yan? sana oo :)

    advance happy valentines dude!

  2. Thanks, Reina. Yeah, she got the chance to read it that same year. But I don't know if she still remembers. Hehe. Buhay nga naman.

    Happy Valentines, blogger! :-) It's so nice of you to drop by often. Hehe

  3. Thanks for following me on Google, doing the same.. you've got real potential on writing bro, I'm sure your GF will probably fall inlove with you all over again... tamang tama pang valentines tong entry mo hehe

  4. Haha thanks, bro. I've read the history of your name, KUMAGCOW, and it was hilarious. Hehe well anyways, thanks. I appreciate you dropping by. Meanwhile, I hope she'll fall in love again, but if she won't, at least I tried.

    Happy Valentines Day, everyone! :)

  5. ugh! i can feel the valentines day is coming...
    its an amazing letter....

    thanks for visiting my blog...^_^

  6. Thanks, cLai! Thanks for dropping by as well :-)

  7. hope everyrhing will work out again to both of you. kumagcow is right. you have what it takes to be a good writer, keep it up

  8. @Rico: Thanks, bro. For dropping by and for the compliment. Appreciate it a lot. :)

    PS: It's her birthday today. :-) or :-( i dunno.

  9. i just run into this post. I didn't know what to expect at first but after reading this one, i am teary eyed. Seriously. naloka ako..hehe.. siguro dahil i've been there..haha.. they are right though you are a good writer.. magiging suki na ko.. :)

  10. @Mayen: THANKS THANKS a lot, for the appreciation and for taking the trouble to drop by and follow my page.

    Spread the love :)